Nice stuff so far. I have a few things though that I think would help improve it. I think that the bird's initial reaction should be more exaggerated. As it is now, she only seems remotely sad. I think if you exaggerate her being surprise and more worried, it would help show how much she really cares about the octopus. Maybe have the cut be a closeup so you can really see her face, and then zoom out to how you have it, to show her position relative to the octopus.
I think you should also add a panel where she's actually entering the water. As it is now, I wouldn't know that she went under water unless I knew the plot line ahead of time. You can also add some bubbles from when she's diving in the water to re-illiterate that she's no longer in the air.
A few of the shots are "flat" as well. Especially 4,5, 10, 11, and 17. The figure is pretty much right in the middle of the screen.
As for some design critique: I think we can make the bird a bit more feminine by adding eye lashes or something. I still really like the shape you chose for the general body though. The jelly fish is also a bit hard to read. I think it's because its legs are so thin. Perhaps make them thicker? And lastly, I think the clam should be bigger for two reasons. One, it's suppose to be the tail of the airplane, so it has to be relatively big in proportion to the plain. Secondly, the clam is suppose to be soooo heavy that the octopus can't swim upward anymore. So it should be big to show how much weight it has.
Other than that, I really like the silhouette you did with the couples and how they're in a heart shape- still watch your composition with these though, because these are a bit flat too.
Really good work so far. :) Thanks for sharing them and finishing them so early. :)
Hey Angela!
ReplyDeleteNice stuff so far. I have a few things though that I think would help improve it.
I think that the bird's initial reaction should be more exaggerated. As it is now, she only seems remotely sad. I think if you exaggerate her being surprise and more worried, it would help show how much she really cares about the octopus. Maybe have the cut be a closeup so you can really see her face, and then zoom out to how you have it, to show her position relative to the octopus.
I think you should also add a panel where she's actually entering the water. As it is now, I wouldn't know that she went under water unless I knew the plot line ahead of time. You can also add some bubbles from when she's diving in the water to re-illiterate that she's no longer in the air.
A few of the shots are "flat" as well. Especially 4,5, 10, 11, and 17. The figure is pretty much right in the middle of the screen.
As for some design critique: I think we can make the bird a bit more feminine by adding eye lashes or something. I still really like the shape you chose for the general body though. The jelly fish is also a bit hard to read. I think it's because its legs are so thin. Perhaps make them thicker? And lastly, I think the clam should be bigger for two reasons. One, it's suppose to be the tail of the airplane, so it has to be relatively big in proportion to the plain. Secondly, the clam is suppose to be soooo heavy that the octopus can't swim upward anymore. So it should be big to show how much weight it has.
Other than that, I really like the silhouette you did with the couples and how they're in a heart shape- still watch your composition with these though, because these are a bit flat too.
Really good work so far. :) Thanks for sharing them and finishing them so early. :)