• I changed the hangglider scene to have him crash into an actual hang glider. Thoughts, suggestions?
• I added a few shots of him building the shark plane.
I have two versions, one longer and one shorter. Here's the longer one (which I like better):
And here's the shorter one:
i really like the longer version. i like the idea of introducing a human. i think the longer version works better because without showing the shark going after the human, it makes the octopus look like he is tormenting the shark. in the longer version, the shark kind of deserves it.
ReplyDeleteone thing though, when you showed the human swim by, and then the shark, something about the 2nd frame made me think the shark had eaten the guy right there. but then i saw the guy swimming away. maybe it's just me but i think it would help if that was clearer. otherwise i really like it.
Alright, thanks. I'm glad everything else was clear, haha, and that frame shouldn't be too hard to fix.
ReplyDeleteHey Karsen,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting your stuff. I like the longer version too, and I really like the shots where the person is swimming around in the water, while the octopus is calmly thinking.
As for a few changes I think you can do to make it even better. If I were to number the shots from left to right and up to down. Shots 6 and 7 is a bit unclear. What view are we seeing them? And when does the octopus or the person hit the water?
Shots 3 and 4 is a bit flat. Did you try drawing it as a POV shot like we discussed last Tuesday? I know it's difficult drawing at perspectives we're not used to, but it's a good time to test ourselves and push ourselves to learn how to do that.
Finally, with the last three frames, (especially the first of those last three) maybe zoom up a bit more, so it's unclear to the audience first what the octopus is doing to the shark. And then we cut to a close up shot of him in the air with the jelly fish goggles, and then we zoom out revealing what he did to the shark? If you don't like that idea, I think at the very least you can stage the first one of the last three better. It feels as if you squished them into the frame.
Other then those, I really like the idea you added. :) Keep up the good work and thanks for posting again!
Oh, another idea I thought about the sequence when he's building the airplane. Don't be afraid of hiding stuff, because I think it would be fun if we used sound effects such as a saw, a drill, and such.
ReplyDeleteHaha I love the addition of the human! Hilarious. And Alex's idea for things kinda being off-screen so we can use odd sound effects sounds good too!
ReplyDeleteThe idea of adding saw and drill sounds cracks me up, I laughed so hard when I read that! Sounds good.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I'm having problems with is trying a POV shot for the first few frames. It looks weird to me, but maybe I can get some help in class? I'll keep working with it and we'll talk about it.
Thanks for all the comments, guys!